Building on a Solid Foundation – Matthew 7: 24-25 (NLT)

“Anyone who listens to My teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears My teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

The storms of Life are inevitable. They come whether we want them to or not and they are often beyond our control. Chances are that you have already experienced a few “storms” in your life like losing a job or relationship, experiencing financial problems, being angry or afraid, or being abused and abandoned. How have those “storms” impacted you? Did they wreak havoc in your life leaving a lot of wreckage behind? Or did your life improve because you were able to overcome and be resilient?

We usually don’t have control over the circumstances of the storms that happen, but we do have control over how we act and react to the storms that come at us.

“I have discovered that I always have a choice, sometimes it’s just a choice of attitude.”  ~ anonymous

That is my favorite quote that is not from the bible. I have tried to live my life with that attitude in mind: I can always choose my attitude no matter what’s happening. I can always choose how to act and react despite what is going on around me. That may sound impossible to you, but it is possible – especially because Jesus is my Lord and Savior and He gives me the strength and ability to overcome anything.

The above parable of the “Building on a Solid Foundation” tells us exactly how to get through any situation by CHOOSING to live life on God’s terms. Jesus tells us that if we choose to live life how God tells us to live, we can survive any storm that threatens our wellbeing. However, if we choose to live life by our own wisdom and rules, we run the risk of being devastated when a storm comes along.

How do you want to live your life? Do you want to be able to get through anything and come out better than before? Or do you want to take your chances and live without the guiding and loving principles of a God who loves you and only wants the best for you? It’s your choice.

The Storm of Infidelity

What happens when you find out that your spouse or significant other has cheated on you? How are you supposed to feel? What are you supposed to do?

Research says that the most stressful event in a person’s life is when their spouse dies and the second most stressful event a person can experience is divorce. I actually tend to disagree. I believe that divorce is more stressful than the death of a spouse because with a divorce there often is no closure and the hope of reuniting is always there while with death, there is no hope of reconciliation and the relationship is over.

Below are some interesting statistics on Infidelity taken from www.infidelityfacts.com.

• Percentage of marriages that end in divorce in America: 53%
• Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41%
• Percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 57%
• Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 54%
• Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker: 36%
• Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips: 36%
• Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity (emotional or physical) with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law: 17%
• Average length of an affair: 2 years
• Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered: 31%
• Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74%
• Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68%

Infidelity often leads to divorce. When there is infidelity in a marriage, Western culture tends to pressure the wronged spouse to seek a divorce and find someone else. When there is infidelity in a “Christian” marriage, the church tends to pressure the wronged spouse to “forgive” the cheating spouse and to “work it out” since divorce is looked down upon in the Christian community. Which way is right?

The answer to that question is not easy and the decision to “divorce” or “work it out” should be made only after much prayer and consideration.

What is normal?

There are a lot of emotions a person will go through after they have discovered that their spouse has cheated. The following emotions are normal and everyone experiences them. They are not in any particular order and there is no time “limit” for feeling them. Each person is different.

• Shock and disbelief: “No, he/she wouldn’t do that!” or “I can’t believe he/she would do that to me.”
• Denial: “This can’t be happening!”
• Anger:  “I just want to hurt him/her back and let him/her feel my hurt/pain”
• Sadness and depression: “I just can’t sleep or eat and everything seems hard to do.” or, “I want to be left alone, I don’t have energy to speak to anyone.”
• Mistrust of your spouse who cheated: “How can I trust him/her again?” or,  “If she/he did it before he/she will do it again.”
• Acceptance: “This is happening and I choose to deal with the situation in the best manner possible.”
• Forgiveness: “I choose to forgive asking God to help me and seek His love and peace to bring healing to my life.”

What is not normal?

It is not normal to go on as if nothing happened and reject/deny the emotions that are felt when a spouse has been unfaithful.  We are human beings and emotions are natural reactions to our life experiences.  Believing that infidelity is normal and taking the blame for the unfaithful spouse’s action is not healthy and will not help save or better the relationship.

It is not normal to stay in a relationship out of fear.  Have you ever felt fear?  It is a strong emotion and it can paralyze a person.  No one should be in a relationship out of fear; specially, if it is due to physical or emotional harm. There is help and no one should accept feeling TRAPPED AND ALONE.

Are you or anyone you know going through the storm of infidelity?  Following are some helpful steps to take:

Steps to take if you have experienced the storm of infidelity

• Seek God’s face
• Praise God is all circumstances
• Pray for what is in darkness come to light
• Pray for God to give you strength and energy to face the storm
• Seek trusted friends and family for support and encouragement
• Seek professional help for wise counsel and resources needed

Steps not to take

• Seeking revenge
• Seeking out the “other” man/woman to violence against your spouse or the other man/woman
• Become involved in the “drama”
• Avoid becoming a loner
• Avoid taking on guilt or responsibility for spouse’s wrong choice(s)
• Avoid turning away from God
• Avoid placing children in the middle of situation – ex. using as messengers
• Avoid making important decisions fast without considering their long term impact on yourself and family

While Infidelity can be devastating to so many people, it doesn’t have to be the end. Infidelity can be overcome and the marriage can survive and even become stronger if both people commit to healing and change through Christ.

If there is divorce because of “hardness of the heart”- Mt.19:8 – of a spouse(s), God still wants to be your refuge and comfort through this distressful time.  You can and will stand firmly at the end of the tempest because “you can do all things through Christ which strengthen you!” Phil 4:13.

It is our hope and desire that if you are undergoing the overwhelming storm of infidelity you choose to seek the support and assistance you deserve. We pray for God’s love to pour over you and give you clarity of mind to make sound choices and decisions through this season.

About the Author Melody Kipp, PhD, LMHC is the President and CEO of Life & Work Soulutions, Inc. She holds an earned Doctorate degree in Psychology with a specialization in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. She holds a Master of Arts degree in Applied Psychology with a Clinical-Counseling emphasis. Dr. Kipp has been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (MH5137) in the State of Florida since 1999 and is a State of Florida Qualified Clinical Supervisor for Mental Health Counselor Interns and Marriage & Family Therapy Interns. [...] Life & Work Soulutions 407.415.2493 | info@lifeworksoul.org

365 Decision Time is a family drama dealing with real life events. It tells the story of a typical middle class family living in the United States and the dramatic real-world issues they confront that threatens to break the family unity apart.

Each of the five members in the Miller family is confronting different problems and struggles. First, the parents, both with professional careers, divorce. They struggle with their own set of challenges and conflicting personalities. Kathy, the oldest daughter, is confronting the possibility of adultery in her marriage. Kevin, the middle child, is accused of murder. He struggles daily living his life surrounded by bad influences. Jennie, the youngest child, is facing the consequences of an abortion after a relationship with a guy who only used her for his sexual appetites. These are amongst the challenges that will attempt to destroy this family’s unity. Each situation leads to tough decisions that forces them to realize that life without God is a dead end road in the darkness. This 93 minute film features intense real drama and action.

The Center for Credentialing & Education (CCE) announces the creation of a comprehensive online directory of human services education programs.

According to CCE Executive Vice President Shawn O’Brien, the directory offers the first online platform where students can view the full scope of their educational options in human services. In addition, it enables students to compare multiple human services programs on a single Web site. Program representatives can update their listings in real time, giving students access to the most current program information.

Stressed?
Let’s face it. We are all stressed. We are stressed at work, at home, in our relationships and yes, even at church. Sometimes it’s hard to find a balance in our personal lives and commitment, and that leads to stress. How we cope with stress effects the quality of our lives and our ability to lead a healthy and happy existence with others.

Prolonged stress negatively affects our health and suppresses immune function. Still think it’s not a big deal?
The question is… How stressed are YOU and what are you going to do about it?

Test Your Stress Rating
Rate yourself as to how you typically react to the situations listed.  There are no right or wrong answers.

Give yourself the following points: 
(4) Always  (3) Frequently (2) Sometimes (1) Never

1.  Do you try to do as much as possible in the least amount of time?
2.   Do you become impatient with delays or interruptions?
3.   Do you always have to win at games to enjoy yourself?
4.   Do you find yourself speeding up the car to beat the red light?
5.   Are you unlikely to ask for or indicate that you need help with a problem?
6.   Do you constantly seek the respect and admiration of others?
7.   Are you overly critical of the way others do their work?
8.   Do you have a habit of watching your watch or clock often?
9.   Do you constantly strive to better your position and achievements?
10. Do you spread yourself “too thin” in terms of your time?
11. Do you have the habit of doing more than one thing at a time?
12. Do you frequently get angry or irritable?
13. Do you have little time for hobbies or time by yourself?
14. Do you have a tendency to talk quickly or hasten conversations?
15. Do you consider yourself hard-driving?
16. Do your friends or relatives consider you hard-driving?
17. Do you have a tendency to get involved in multiple projects?
18. Do you have a lot of deadlines in your work?
19. Do you take on too many responsibilities?
20. Do you feel vaguely guilty if you relax and do nothing or take some leisure time?

_____ What’s your score?

SCORING

20 – 29                 
Chances are you are non-productive or your life lacks stimulation.

30 – 49  
Good balance in your ability to handle and control stress.

50 – 59                 
Stress level is marginal and you are bordering on being excessively tense.

60 ++
Major candidate for heart disease and other illnesses.

Remember, this scale is not an absolute predictor of how stress will affect your life. It is an awareness tool for you to gauge your level of stress. (This test is not meant to replace a clinical assessment but to help you judge how you are doing. If you score as stressed you may need to seek help.)

So you scored a 60++
What are you going to do about it? Change begins with making healthy choices for yourself, so if you or anyone you know is having difficulty coping with stress, please share this article with them and encourage them to get assistance. 

For more information call 407.415.2493.

About the Author Melody Kipp, PhD, LMHC is the President and CEO of Life & Work Soulutions, Inc. She holds an earned Doctorate degree in Psychology with a specialization in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. She holds a Master of Arts degree in Applied Psychology with a Clinical-Counseling emphasis. Dr. Kipp has been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (MH5137) in the State of Florida since 1999 and is a State of Florida Qualified Clinical Supervisor for Mental Health Counselor Interns and Marriage & Family Therapy Interns. [...] Life & Work Soulutions 407.415.2493 | info@lifeworksoul.org

With all that’s going on in our world, the economy, the environment, politics as usual, wars, famine, earthquakes, tsunamis, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and lose the joy in our lives. You can regain your lost joy and peace by becoming ‘actively thankful’ about things that you may take for granted.

Things like:
• A place to sleep tonight
• Three meals today
• Clean water to drink and bathe in
• Electricity and indoor plumbing
• A job. It may not be your ideal job, but it provides money for the necessities of life
• Health. You may have some health issues, but you are here, breathing and alive.
• Family and friends who care about me and I care about them
• A car, clothes, computer, house, etc…
• Pets
• Eyesight, hearing and the other senses, that sadly, some do not have
• Ice Cream! Chocolate!
• The sun on your skin
• Clean sheets air dried on the clothesline and smelling like sunshine
• An unwarranted act of kindness
• The wind in your hair when riding a bike, or driving a convertible

What are some of the benefits of being thankful?
According to a Psychology Today article, people who practice being grateful experience “greater levels of optimism, positive mood and feelings of belongingness, psychological well-being, fewer illnesses and spend more time exercising. “ The conclusions of the study quoted in the article suggest that adopting an attitude of gratitude may promote healthy living.

Feeling stressed and depressed? Keep an ongoing journal of whatever simple things brought a smile to your face and joy into your life each day. By keeping a list all of the things that you have to be thankful for you’ll become aware of just how truly blessed that you are. Your family, your friends, your home, your job, your health, your pets, food on the table, clothing, shelter, the basic creature comforts, etc.

Watch out! Thankfulness is contagious and may inspire you to make a difference in the lives of others less fortunate. Get involved and become a volunteer at your local shelter, hospital, church or other community organization. Give someone else something to be thankful for…

When you really think about it and put things into proper perspective… Life is good.

Know someone who is feeling anxious, depressed or overwhelmed by life? Please share this article with them, let them know that they are not alone and encourage them to get assistance.

About the Author Melody Kipp, PhD, LMHC is the President and CEO of Life & Work Soulutions, Inc. She holds an earned Doctorate degree in Psychology with a specialization in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. She holds a Master of Arts degree in Applied Psychology with a Clinical-Counseling emphasis. Dr. Kipp has been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (MH5137) in the State of Florida since 1999 and is a State of Florida Qualified Clinical Supervisor for Mental Health Counselor Interns and Marriage & Family Therapy Interns. [...] Life & Work Soulutions 407.415.2493 | info@lifeworksoul.org

It’s no secret that workplace bullying is on the rise and it’s unacceptable in any form. Companies are starting to recognize this as a serious problem to their bottom line as it affects not only the victim, but their entire staff, not to mention their brands reputation among potential employees and clients. Long term bullying can take its toll on the emotional and physical health of their staff and make a major impact on the overall productivity of a company. Not to mention having to deal with a host of legal issues that arise when there is a hostile workplace.

It’s no secret that workplace bullying is on the rise and it’s unacceptable in any form. Companies are starting to recognize this as a serious problem to their bottom line as it affects not only the victim, but their entire staff, not to mention their brands reputation among potential employees and clients. Long term bullying can take its toll on the emotional and physical health of their staff and make a major impact on the overall productivity of a company. Not to mention having to deal with a host of legal issues that arise when there is a hostile workplace.

So as an individual, when should you be concerned? As an employer what should you watch for?

Here are even more signs that you’re being bullied at work:

Burning Personal Days
Pressure has gotten so bad that you are burning through your personal days by using them to escape, even if it’s only for a day, from your current work environment. You are so mentally and emotionally drained that you spend your day off depressed and on the sofa. You’ve lost interest in activities that you used to enjoy.

Obsessing About Work
Is there a reoccurring theme to your complaints and are they centered around a specific co-worker? If your spouse, family and even the dog are sick of hearing you complain about work, then bullying could be at the core of your frustration.

Criticism Never Stops
The criticism just keeps on coming. You’ve proven yourself at work. You’re highly respected and have an excellent work ethic. However, the criticism from your boss or co-worker never stops. It’s as if they are just looking for a reason to criticize you and you have a target on your back.

Getting Yelled At
Bullies who hold powerful positions in a company don’t feel the need to be covert in their bullying. They aren’t shy about making their feelings known by yelling, screaming, insulting and humiliating their target, while innocent bystanders scurry for cover.

Reliving Past Mistakes
Even though your boss or co-worker are walking amnesiacs when it comes to their own mistakes, they remember every little mistake that you’ve ever made. It’s like they are keeping a list and constantly looking for opportunities to bring them up, especially in front of your co-workers.

Becoming Isolated
You’ve suddenly become invisible at work and being slowly phased out and socially isolated by your boss or co-workers. You are constantly being omitted from meetings, lunch invites and afterhours activities. Some powerful bullies even go as far as to have your desk moved and openly discourage others from interacting with – Congratulations! You are now exiled on the Isle of Misfit Toys.

Request Denied
Your requests to transfer to a different position, department or office location are denied and the boss’ aggressive behavior escalates.

Bullying is all about CONTROL and the people targeted are almost always seen as threats. Targeted people are seen as competition and need to be eliminated. The targets are almost always people who excel at their work, are competent, personable and well liked. So if you are being bullied stop blaming yourself thinking that you somehow caused the bullying. Recognize what’s really going on and start working on your options of handling the situation. Should you stay and fight? Or should you wait it out until a better opportunity comes along? Either way, don’t attempt this alone. Seek out professional assistance. A counselor can teach you how to better recognize and cope with bullying, while giving you an invaluable personal skill set that you will use for the rest of your life.

Wait! There's more to this article!

Workplace Bullying Series

Part 1 - Bullying - It's not just for the Playground anymore

Part 2 - Bullying - More Signs You're Being Bullied at Work

If you know someone dealing with bullying of any kind, please share this article with them and encourage them to get assistance.

For more information call 407.415.2493.

About the Author Melody Kipp, PhD, LMHC is the President and CEO of Life & Work Soulutions, Inc. She holds an earned Doctorate degree in Psychology with a specialization in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. She holds a Master of Arts degree in Applied Psychology with a Clinical-Counseling emphasis. Dr. Kipp has been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (MH5137) in the State of Florida since 1999 and is a State of Florida Qualified Clinical Supervisor for Mental Health Counselor Interns and Marriage & Family Therapy Interns. [...] Life & Work Soulutions 407.415.2493 | info@lifeworksoul.org